I caught feelings for my friend with benefits.

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

I’ve (26 f) always been really attracted to my best friend’s older brother (28 m). He used to flirt with me a lot when we were high school kids. He’d tell me how cute I was, stuff like that. We never dated but I always wished we had. At the time my friend would say she wanted me to date her brother.

Well he was in the Navy and lived in California for a while but he moved back here to Ohio earlier this year. He started coming around occasionally when his sister has get togethers. He’s gotten hotter since I last saw him.

I’ve always been that girl who people would say “Hey you’re cute for a chubby girl.” Stuff like that. I struggled with my weight for years but have really worked hard on it and over the last six months and I’ve slimmed down a lot. I’m still curvy but I’ve been told I’m thick in all the right places.

The reason I lost weight was because of a breakup and I needed the confidence booster. My ex used to take mean little jabs at me when he’d get mad. After we broke up I figured I’d show him what he lost out on.

At one of my friend’s het together’s this summer I was commiserating with her about my bad luck dating since my breakup. I told her I should just find myself a friend with benefits. Well maybe she said something to her brother because I was chatting with him later that night and he said he heard I was looking for a FWB and he offered his services. We both laughed about it but I was really pleasantly surprised by the offer.

I wanted to take him up on it but I said something to my friend first. All she said was the were both adults and she didn’t care what we did, but she didn’t want any details from either of us. So when I was getting ready to leave I told him he should walk me to my car. We ended up having a really hot make out session on my car.

Then he followed me over to my place and we hooked up that night. After we that we’ve been hooking up pretty regularly since. Pretty much every weekend and even during the week sometimes.

In the last month or so he and I have even started hanging out more as friends too. And that’s my problem. Because now I’ve come to realize that not only is he hot. Not only do we have great sex, he’s a really great guy. He’s funny and thoughtful and he makes me feel so happy. Just being with him makes me happy.

Like yesterday we hung out at his place and watched a football game together and I was on my period and wasn’t feeling all that great so I didn’t want to mess around. So we cuddled on his sofa and watched football and he played with my hair and cracked his stupid dad jokes to try and make me feel better.

I want to tell him that I think he’s the greatest guy and I want us to be together as more than just friends with benefits. I think he might feel the same way but he might be nervous to say something. When we started all this I told him pretty strongly that I had no interest in a relationship right now. But I didn’t count on catching feelings for him like this.

 

[TexasJack]

Marvelous. Sounds like you have have yourself a situation with a great deal of potential for a happy outcome. One of life’s beautiful moments. Drink it in and enjoy the happiness you well deserve.

 

[Saphira]

I hope things work out between the both of you. Keep in mind however that in general men can easily separate sex from love, so he may not love you even if he likes to have sex with you and likes you as a friend.

In your case, actually, I would tell him something along the lines that you think he's a great guy, and that "a FWB-thing isn't it for you" and see how he responds. If he easily lets you go, it wasn't more to him, and it may hurt to lose him, but you know where you stand and can move on. If he tries to keep you into his life with more than just friends, at that point you can insist on labeling it as a relationship.

 

[Candela]

I’ve (26 f) always been really attracted to my best friend’s older brother (28 m). He used to flirt with me a lot when we were high school kids. He’d tell me how cute I was, stuff like that. We never dated but I always wished we had. At the time my friend would say she wanted me to date her brother.

Well he was in the Navy and lived in California for a while but he moved back here to Ohio earlier this year. He started coming around occasionally when his sister has get togethers. He’s gotten hotter since I last saw him.

I’ve always been that girl who people would say “Hey you’re cute for a chubby girl.” Stuff like that. I struggled with my weight for years but have really worked hard on it and over the last six months and I’ve slimmed down a lot. I’m still curvy but I’ve been told I’m thick in all the right places.

The reason I lost weight was because of a breakup and I needed the confidence booster. My ex used to take mean little jabs at me when he’d get mad. After we broke up I figured I’d show him what he lost out on.

At one of my friend’s het together’s this summer I was commiserating with her about my bad luck dating since my breakup. I told her I should just find myself a friend with benefits. Well maybe she said something to her brother because I was chatting with him later that night and he said he heard I was looking for a FWB and he offered his services. We both laughed about it but I was really pleasantly surprised by the offer.

I wanted to take him up on it but I said something to my friend first. All she said was the were both adults and she didn’t care what we did, but she didn’t want any details from either of us. So when I was getting ready to leave I told him he should walk me to my car. We ended up having a really hot make out session on my car.

Then he followed me over to my place and we hooked up that night. After we that we’ve been hooking up pretty regularly since. Pretty much every weekend and even during the week sometimes.

In the last month or so he and I have even started hanging out more as friends too. And that’s my problem. Because now I’ve come to realize that not only is he hot. Not only do we have great sex, he’s a really great guy. He’s funny and thoughtful and he makes me feel so happy. Just being with him makes me happy.

Like yesterday we hung out at his place and watched a football game together and I was on my period and wasn’t feeling all that great so I didn’t want to mess around. So we cuddled on his sofa and watched football and he played with my hair and cracked his stupid dad jokes to try and make me feel better.

I want to tell him that I think he’s the greatest guy and I want us to be together as more than just friends with benefits. I think he might feel the same way but he might be nervous to say something. When we started all this I told him pretty strongly that I had no interest in a relationship right now. But I didn’t count on catching feelings for him like this.

Sounds like it has already started, The greatest thing in any relationship is that you were friends first.
Good luck to you, He sounds like he is a keeper!

 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

I hope things work out between the both of you. Keep in mind however that in general men can easily separate sex from love, so he may not love you even if he likes to have sex with you and likes you as a friend.

In your case, actually, I would tell him something along the lines that you think he's a great guy, and that "a FWB-thing isn't it for you" and see how he responds. If he easily lets you go, it wasn't more to him, and it may hurt to lose him, but you know where you stand and can move on. If he tries to keep you into his life with more than just friends, at that point you can insist on labeling it as a relationship.

That’s what I’ve been thinking. I really do think he’s great but the FWB thing isn’t enough for me. I thought after my last relationship that I’d be fine with just some casual sex but I think I’m a relationship type girl. I’m going to tell him that and that I want a relationship with him.

 

[Rebelle]

I think very few people can actually keep romantic feelings and sex separate from each other. It might be possible to do that for a while, but I think in the end, our feelings are complex and weird and wonderful, and they always tend to win He sounds lovely. Go for it, girl!

 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

Hi everyone. One quick update. I texted with my friend (his name is Hank BTW) yesterday and said we needed to talk. He agreed that we probably do. So I’m pretty sure he knows what I want to talk to him about. We’re both working a lot this week but we agreed to meet up on Friday evening to talk.
Is it a good sign that he agreed we need to talk? I hope so. I hope he’s feeling the same way I am right now. He did send me a text this morning saying “Good morning Bonita!” That’s his nickname for me. It’s “pretty” in Spanish. It comes from me making fun of his attempts to speak Spanish.

 

[TexasJack]

Seems you have a case of Schodinger’s Relationship. (see Schrodinger’s Cat) It’s much like that pleasant period after you buy a lottery ticket but they don’t announce the winning numbers until this weekend. You have a brief period where you can dream of the best possible outcome.

Seems like you guys may have the start of something great. Well done! Starting off without any expectations created a space to develop a relationship without pressure. Kinda perfect.

 

[Whybother]

Go with your heart.

 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

I think it’s a good sign. If he agrees you need to talk, but his aim was to stick as FEB or call it off he could have done that over text or in a phone call and he wouldn’t have called you Bonita.
I think you are also in the wonderful position where you went into this not looking for a relationship so there’s no pressure and no expectations. The relationship and feelings grew unexpectedly and it seems it’s the same for both of you. I am sure you are going to have good news to share after you do talk and I wish you lots of happiness.

I think so too! I hope I’m not just being overly optimistic. But we’ve been in this FWB arrangement for almost three months and over the last month or so I could fee things changing between us. For instance the nickname. He started calling me that about three weeks ago. I don’t know if it’s normal to have affectionate nicknames for your FWB.

Plus he’s been much more affectionate toward me in public when we’re hanging out. Like when we were at a bar with a group of friend he kissed me when he got there. When we first started our FWB thing both of us tried to be really discreet about it. Even one of my girlfriends said it seems to her that he and I are dating but we just don’t know it yet.

 

[LeananSidhe]

This is adorable and I really, really hope it works out for you!

I married my fwb so I have a soft spot for these stories.

 

[Latina_Metal_Chick]

This sounds to me like he is giving you the signs that he is wanting more, Kissing you in front of friends is his way of telling them, She is mine!

I think so too. I have to be the one to tell him first that I want us to be more than FWB. When we first started hooking up I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious so I think he still thinks I feel that way. I’d call him but it’s a conversation I think is best to have face to face.

 

[iamjustme65]

It's been a month, so I will go out on a limb and say it didn't work?

 

[USABarry]

It's been a month, so I will go out on a limb and say it didn't work?

Either that or it did and she hasn't had time to check back in. Let's think that he swept her off her feet, had her move in with him, and they are planning a full life together. We'll make a happy ending to this story until we know otherwise.