Funny sex stories?

[LeananSidhe]

Last night I’m in bed reading my book all cozy with my hair in a bun, my warm pjs on, and wearing my glasses. So not a sexy moment at all.
My husband comes in and takes one look at me then immediately gets on the bed, straddles my face and says “Guess what time it is?” I start laughing and ask “What time is it?” And then he says “Time to suck my dick!” And sticks it in my mouth.
I’m still laughing about it this morning. It was so funny and out of character for him.

Share some funny sex stories with me!

 

[littleonehere]

out of character actions keep people on their toes! and in this instance got his toes curling!

 

[LeananSidhe]

It definitely turned serious pretty quick. Ended up being a very sexy time.

 

[used2bgood]

Standing joke in our household is on Wednesday mornings, I awaken my wife with a kiss and say 'Guess what day it is ... It's hump day!" we cuddle a little and I go start breakfast and she does her morning things. Sadly, there are no more hump days in our lives ..........

 

[Razor_Sharpe]

I remember one time after a romantic date with my wife we came home and we were kissing and dancing and I was in a super romantic mood so I was taking things super slow and I wanted to make sweet love to her you know? Like a gentleman. BUT!!! My wife was getting a lil to anxious and outta nowhere she yells "CAN YOU PLEASE BEND ME OVER AND FUCK ME ALREADY? GOD DAMN! IM READY IM SOOO DAMN WET!!!!"

I LOL so hard and then she got a lil mad...kill the mood for a bit LOL!

She got fuck hard tho, on the floor too lol!

 

[Deleted member 58]

We were making out at my apt one winter day...the heat was on and the air was very dry. As we stood up and began peeling off our clothes, I leaned in for a nipple lick and...POP...was the biggest and loudest static spark between my tongue and her nipple. Fortunately it didn't hurt her but I definitely felt it on my tongue. So much for my sexy foreplay attempt.

 

[MyselfAndI]

College girlfreind and I were naked, fondeling each other play areas and oh so ready to fuck. But wait! Where are the condoms? She said, “Oh over there on the dresser”! So with my raging, throbbing erection I leaped off the bed and ran to the other side of the room to grab a condom. On the way back I ripped the package open but the lubed condom went flying which I somehow managed to catch before the grit magnet hit the floor! So back in buisness i went on fumbling with this slimmy thing trying to unroll it on my happy member with both hands. Meanwhile I had no idea she was like getting off watching me do this. Somewhere with my eyes and both hands focused on myself i started to loose my balance so I lightly extended my right hand to catch my balance with the wall. BAM! The high tenstion window shade violently snap rolled itself and made a ridiculous and confusing amount of noise as it slap round and round. So I’m standing there confused, buck ass naked with my left hand wrapped around the base of my overly eager throbbing penis for all the world to see! It seems an eternity but eventually my girfreing yanked my unintended exhibition across the window and hid us under the blankets while the window shade spun itself out.

I don’t think I ever laughed as hard as my dick was standing out front of that window as we tried to figure out how to get ourselves out of compromising position with the window exposing us to all the small town to see.

Yeah, true story.
40 yeas later I found her phone number and we still lauphed about this incident.